How To Make Amends With Family

Then we make space for other people to hurt and heal—not just now, but into the foreseeable future. If we are honest and sincere about our amends, then we will not repeat those mistakes, and we will not rush people to forgiveness. We will honor the emotional consequences that stem from our behaviors, and seek to become healthier so as not to repeat them. You may also have the opportunity in the future to make more direct amends with certain people in time.

In addition to apologizing and asking for their forgiveness regarding the incident in question, you might offer to repay them in full for the money you stole. In Twelve Step recovery, your pace is your own to determine. No doubt you will experience challenges and setbacks along the way. But by prioritizing your recovery on a daily basis and doing whatever that next right thing might be for you, you will keep moving forward in living a life of good purpose. When someone is alive and you’ve hurt them, amends are more straightforward.

It’s important to note that making amends is for the person we hurt. Yes, we partake in the process to “clean up our side of the street,” but we do not make amends to clear our conscience or undo our feelings of guilt. If someone does not want to hear from us, we respect that and do our best to move forward with our recoveries. We can also make amends by living very purposefully within the bounds of our principles.

If possible, schedule a time to speak with them in advance to prepare for the conversation. To the best of my abilities, I have calculated the total amount of money that I stole from you so that I can pay you back. Here is $200, and if I’m incorrect and owe you more, I will repay the remainder. That is, you can’t push it to the side or avoid it because of embarrassment.

If you don’t see the sober living facility you want to attend listed above, we welcome you to contact us online. At, we understand the value of having guidance in addiction recovery. So, please don’t hesitate to call out to us and join our community. So, completing the 12 steps of recovery cannot make you fully recover. It involves every decision and action you take when staying sober.

So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event that you need support. Ninety percent of the time, I keep my mouth shut, but I am my son’s mother. I have a responsibility to parent stages of alcoholism him and speak out for his best interests. Early in my recovery, I learned neither my son nor my husband was listening to anything I said. Lists to Help you Through Any Loss is for people experiencing any type of loss.

  1. Maybe it is a fight you always thought you had time to resolve.
  2. While I did these things in active addiction, that does not take away from how wrong they were, and the pain and sense of betrayal you must have felt as a result of my actions.
  3. This person should have already worked on step nine, so they understand what it takes and can help guide you through it.
  4. Each day I ask my Higher Power for the strength to help me stay sober and live responsibly and with honesty.
  5. We came from very humble beginnings, and would love to tell you our story of success and recovery.

Lead them through tough events that contain triggers, funerals, weddings, trips, big business meetings and more. Keep up with what Living Amends is doing in the community. To act beyond our old patterns of behavior, many of us require guidance. We do not receive any commission or fee that is dependent upon which treatment provider a caller chooses. Avoid initiating a conversation if the other person is distracted or upset by something unrelated.

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Resolve to work at making things better between you and keeping your promises. Give each other space to figure out any new roles within your relationship and take things slowly. Don’t expect immediate forgiveness, and also, don’t pressure yourself to fix every broken relationship immediately. If you’re untrustworthy can tapering off alcohol reduce withdrawal symptoms and unreliable, come to terms with those characteristics of yours. Figure out ways to improve upon them, and tell your loved ones what you’re working on to help you improve. When you talk to students about social media radicalization, racism and bullying, you learn how desperate they are for some guidance.

Start apologizing

In simple terms, it means taking responsibility for the person you used to be and how you caused harm to the people in your life who care about you. Living amends is a certain type of amends you make in addiction recovery. Essentially, it means making a radical shift in the way you live and sticking to that. When you make living amends, you make genuine changes to support your emotional and physical sobriety. In doing so, you promise to live a sober and honest life and never return to your old ways of lying and hurting the people you love the most. Whenever possible, a direct amend is made face-to-face rather than over the phone or by asking someone else to apologize on your behalf.

What are some examples of living amends?

Also, it may not be a good idea to make direct amends if it could potentially stir something up. I cannot go back and change the past, but I can take responsibility for my actions. Each day I ask my Higher Power for the strength to help me stay sober and live responsibly and with honesty.

We can also make a living amends by changing the behaviors that hurt or harmed them, and we can let go of the all-consuming guilt that would only tempt us to use again. And when it comes to our family and children, we might be particularly interested in speeding that process along. Often, people with substance use disorders cause harm to others, either intentionally or inadvertently.


Sometimes other people need more time to accept an apology. When appropriate, remind others that you are here if they change their mind or wish to talk. Always seek the advice of a physician or other qualified health provider with any questions how to choose a sober house for your recovery sober living you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. In the event of a medical emergency, call a doctor or 911 immediately.

Steps for Making Living Amends

At FHE Health, you’ll learn more about Step 9 and how to handle the worst of experiences. For many, this is one of the most important components of recovery, because it allows them to work on rebuilding their relationships and letting go of those they cannot repair. Our team works closely with you throughout this process to help you achieve your goals in recovery.

Indirect Amends And Living Amends

We want to convey our heartfelt remorse but worry that our words will fall short. Notice the words “right to resentment” and “underserved qualities” in there? It is about what we do despite that wrongdoing, “abandoning [our] right to resentment . . . “. Making amends does not undoing the wrongdoing, just as forgiveness doesn’t undo the wrongdoing. Instead, it is an action we take to compensate for what we have done.

These steps mean taking ownership of the past, apologizing for wherever you made mistakes and moving forward from those missteps. Sometimes, it’s necessary to make amends to employers or co-workers. Whatever the situation, there are a few ways to get started in the process of repairing wrongs with the people you most care about.

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